Thursday, June 12, 2008

Woozle

Wendy is making such progress.

On Sunday, she wanted to climb up a slide but her shoes did not allow her purchase on the smooth surface. So she sat down, took her shoes off, and then climbed up the slide. She worked out that solution to her problem herself. Sean has noticed a great difference in her in just a week. She is talking a lot more, for one thing, but she is making progress in other ways too.

She no longer needs a nappy for passing urine, although she still uses it for the other business, which is surprising. Kate says that for two nights in a row, she has gone to bed without a nappy and hasn't had an "accident", although we know there are bound to be some. Kate was right about not making an issue of potty training, and she just allowed it to happen gradually and naturally. We have all treated it matter of factly over the months. When we go, we tell her that we are using the lavatory and telling her that is what big people do and when she is bigger, she will use the lavatory too. So, like everything else, she learned by example, and there was no stress on either side.

Some parents get involved in a very destructive cycle about potty training. They keep taking the child to the toilet and shouting when they have an accident. This just makes the poor kid more nervous and the anxiety causes even more accidents which results in more shouting etc. Not a good place to be in the relationship with the child. Its like getting into a 'food war' where the child has been allowed to use eating or not eating as a manipulative weapon.

You really CAN'T allow food to be used as a weapon so just don't start the fight in the first place. Wendy began copying another child's bad habits and it wound Kate up but I told her that she had to make sure she won that little war. She did. She didn't nag, shout or try to force feed. She would calmly remove the food and tell Wendy why eg "We don't throw food. If you don't want it, I will take it away and you can have it later".

A lot of "wars" parents get into with their children should never have been allowed to degenerate into a battle in the first place. Many can be avoided. Parents are older and should be able to outsmart their kids. Don't ask a bolshy 2yr old to choose what to wear, as she may very well think a bathing costume is what she wants to wear to town in winter. How do you avoid that without a fight? I used to select two suitable outfits and ask my child which one she would like to wear and we had no problems.

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