Hard Times Jokes

I lent my brother £20 last week. Turns out I'm now the UK's fifth biggest lender.

Cadburys is to launch a chocolate bar you don't have to pay for until next year. It will be called the Credit Crunchie.

Marks and Spencers are to merge with Poundstretchers. The new stores will be called Stretch Marks.

Q. How do you define optimism?
A. A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday.

Q. What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
A. The pizza can still feed a family of four.

Q. What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
A. The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.


Q. What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can't sell anything?
A. A quarter-pounder with fries, please.

Q. What have an Icelandic bank and an Icelandic streaker got in common?
A. They both have frozen assets.

A man went to his bank manager and said: 'I'd like to start a small business.
How do I go about it?' 'Simple,' said the bank manager. 'Buy a big one and wait.'

The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet --- The car's been repossessed.