Not so sure now

It is past 1 o'clock in the morning. I am exhausted because I was too upset to sleep last night. I am still up because there has been a change in Brakkie's behaviour.
He is no longer clingy. In fact, I put him on the bed and he came for a cuddle, looking earnestly at me, then jumped off to hide under the sideboard in the passage. He seems a bit anxious and nervy and wanting to be on his own. That is SO unlike him. If you look through the Blog you will see he is on virtually every page because he loves to be around people.

I should have known better than to hope he got out unscathed. But there was no blood at the time, and we thought perhaps the bull terrier got hold of his collar and thick ruff fur. Now I wonder if he is brewing up an abscess or something. I shouldn't have given up when I found Manor Rd Vets closed. I should have persevered to find a practice that was open. There must have been one somewhere. But Caelyn, Brakkie and I were all so upset and needing to go home and have a strong sweet cup of tea. He seemed just as frightened as we were but there was no visible blood and he behaved normally later that afternoon. Could it be bruising and muscle stiffness? Or delayed shock?

I can deal with injured humans but an injured animal is unbearable and I really can't cope with it. Nothing else in life upsets me the way a sick or injured animal upsets me. I was an excellent nurse and loved my career. What I had actually wanted to do was Vet Nursing, but I knew that there is something lacking in my psyche that prevents me from being able to put the essential emotional distance between us. That is my Achilles heel. And now I'm sitting here in the wee small hours, in tears, because I know Brakkie is suffering and I am completely powerless to help him.