Disciplining Children

Disciplining Children

The word “discipline” comes from the same root word as “disciple”, and implies teaching and leading by example. We can learn a lot about discipline when we read the Gospels and observe how Jesus dealt with His disciples.

Children have to be taught right from wrong. There is a good reason why only adults can have children, and that is that by childbearing age they should have the wisdom to teach the young child how to live. A child who is not taught to obey his parents will not learn how to obey schoolteachers, the law of the land, his employers and ultimately, God Himself. Being disobedient to all of those just mentioned will bring serious consequences upon him.

As a child, he needs to be taught that “Law without consequences is just Advice”. When a young child does something wrong, they have to be told that it is wrong and what the consequences will be if they do it again, and then the consequences must be carried out no matter how inconvenient to the parents. For example. Suppose your child bites another child. You might say “NO! You must not bite other people. Biting people is wrong. I never want to see you doing that ever again. No!”
That is probably enough the first time. If the child does it again, repeat the above very firmly and tell the child that next time he does it, he will have to stand in the corner for 5 min (or whatever you decide).

When the punishment is over, take him on your knee and explain why he was punished. Have a tender, kind time with him, and persuade him to put the matter right – perhaps by apologising to the person he hurt, and/or offering them something of his to make up for his misdeeds.

I would call the above “negative discipline” and it certainly has its place. We should not be sidetracked though into thinking that discipline has to be negative. Good behaviour has to be acknowledged and rewarded as well. You might use verbal praise, a treat or whatever you think of. I used to use a star chart with my children. They got a star for ‘listed’ things like brushing their teeth and putting their clothes in the laundry basket etc but they also got stars for “extra” good things they did – like helping someone or being thoughtful and kind. On Saturday, the stars were counted up and pocket money given according to the number of stars they had.

So, to sum up, use negative discipline when you have to, taking care always to carry out threatened consequences, with explanations to the child why the punishment is necessary. Get the child to put right the wrong they have done. Most of all, reward good behaviour. This is all very wearying, but it has to be done to avoid serious problems in later life. It is your duty, and that really is all there is to it.