Friday

There is an old Proverb that I like to keep in mind. It goes "if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans".

Tomorrow, Friday, Sean, his sister and I are due to go to Farm St in London to hear Scott Hahn. We had to get tickets months ago so we have 'made plans'. However, Trissa's daughter is ill and needing help with her children. Winter has arrived with a vengeance with black ice, sleet and very cold temperatures.
I have had to stay in bed this week after a couple of weeks of having bronchitis. I think the antibiotics affected the protective flora in my gut because my tum has been awful all week. My legs are like jelly and I get weak and dizzy when I get up.

I'm really hoping to go, because he has a keen mind and his writing is plain, simple and profound, which is an exceedingly rare combination. His fascinating personal story can be found here.

Being in bed this week hasn't been as irritating as usual because i have needed to catch up on sleep I missed out on when I had bronchitis. Over the last day or two, I've been playing with my Art program and I'll post a picture. Also a couple of Wendy having a lot of fun and looking like an absolute ragamuffin!

Wendy and Auntie Michelle with stickers on their noses.

Every little girl should have an Auntie Michelle



A ragamuffin. But a HAPPY ragamuffin

She can operate the DVD machine a lot better than her Granny can. A particular favourite at the moment is Thomas the Tank Engine. She has been able to do it for ages. DVDs are no problem, but videos can be a headache. She loves Letterland and can recognise the letters in signs around town. They are only on Video. Kate and Nigel's video machine broke and the don't make them any more so Michele gave them her machine, which also reached the end of its natural lifespan. I have a machine that still works, but there is no knowing for how much longer. Anyway, I was going to say that for at least a year now, she has been able to look at a plain black video with a standard white sticker with standard black writing and know exactly which video it is.

Dolly had several books read to her. When she was tired, Wendy rocked Dolly and sang Tula Tula Baba to her.






Then Wendy was bathed, de-ragamuffined and given a carrot bedtime snack

Dolly had to have a snack too


Goodnight, sweetheart

The Pope and the Rabbi (a joke)

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews in Italy had to convert to Catholicism or leave. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a debate with a religious leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.

On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.

The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

The rabbi pulled out an apple.

With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy.

Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.

The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs.

'Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.

'I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin.

'He bested me at every move and I could not continue.'

Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.

'I haven't a clue' the rabbi said. 'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.

'Then he told me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here.'

'And then what?' asked a woman.

'Who knows?' said the rabbi. 'He took out his lunch so I took out mine.'

Story about St Teresa of Avila

I was named after Teresa of Avila, who has been declared Doctor of the Church. I find a lot of inspiration from Mother Teresa, but my favourite Saint Story is about Teresa of Avila. I'm not even sure if it is true or not, but it cheers me up when I feel discouraged.

St Teresa and some of her nuns were travelling on an errand of mercy. It was a filthy night, cold, wet and muddy. The coach broke down, and the Nuns had to continue their long journey on foot. St Teresa is supposed to have said "Lord, if this is how you treat your friends, I'm not surprised you have so few!"

If that really is what she said, I feel comforted, because it is a grumpy thing to say and even though she could say things like that, she became one of the most respected of saints and the first woman to be declared a Doctor of the Church.

And Mother Teresa said ....

Mother Teresa said:
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway!
If you are kind, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway!
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and real enemies.
Succeed anyway!
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway!
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway!
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway!
People really need help but may attack you if you try to help them.
Help them anyway!
Give the world your best and it will hurt you.
Give your best anyway!

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

Story about St Therese of Liseux

Once as a little girl, Thérèse found a finch, a tiny bird that had fallen from its nest and couldn’t fly. She took it home and placed it in the same cage as her pet canary. As the new bird got stronger and stronger, she tried to sing. But the finch’s song is not like the canary’s, and so just a few peeps came out. Each day the canary would sing her beautiful song and the young finch would listen and then try to imitate it. Eventually, to Thérèse’s surprise, the finch succeeded! She learned to sing like the canary. She had listened and tried to imitate the other bird’s song for so long, that it became her song too.

Thérèse would say, this is what we must do with Jesus. Just stay close to Jesus each day, listen closely to the music He makes, and try to imitate it. In time we’ll find that the song of His heart has become our song as well.

Caption Competition

I think this photo is priceless.
I wonder if anyone could come up with a really apt caption for it?

New UK Sickness Benefits

From Monday 27 October, Incapacity Benefits are being phased out and being replaced with the Employment Support Allowance. Doctors will have to write 'fit certificates' listing what a sick person can do, instead of 'sick certificates' which lists what they can't do. The government's aim is to get one million sick people back to work, which was a good idea before the Recession.

Economists forecast that there will be two million people unemployed by Christmas, due to redundancies and companies having to cease trading. These people will be fit, well and recently employed, and they will obviously be given preference for jobs over people who have been ill for years. The competition for an ever decreasing supply of jobs will be intense so it seems unlikely that the million the government would like to see employed will come to light.

This is how the government plans the new system to work http://www.dwp.gov.uk/esa/

This new benefit has its advantages and some ideas are very good. There are however, a group of people who will find the new Benefit very bad news. Some of the concerns are listed here

There is a 4 minute BBC Radio Interview with Melissa Viney here
There was an excellent interview on the changes taking place on BBC Radio 5 Live this morning. Taking part was Melissa Viney, a person with ME, who pointed out the main problems that people who have fluctuating long term conditions like ME are likely to have face with the new benefit. The link to this BBC interview is HERE (move the button below the digital clock to find the start of the interview at around 01:03:50. The interview lasts for almost four minutes)

Saturday

Caelyn and Nigel left Wendy with me while they went shopping. She was sweet as pie and gave me no trouble at all. When I was in the bath, she noticed an old scratch on my knee, and was quite upset about it. I had to let her kiss it then catch the 'ouch' in her hand then throw it away. Compassion in one so young is rare and it brought a lump to my throat.



She was full of zest earlier in the afternoon. We had to take her shopping basket outside and 'wait for the bus'. She loves buses, and trains too, for that matter.



Her Auntie Michelle has had to take her first sickness absence from work in two years. She has bronchitis and sinusitis and she is very unwell. Work weren't too pleased with her being ill, but as she saw the Dr and can easily obtain a medical certificate, they will just have to be professional about it.
Michelle had a message from her cousin Melissa who lives in Qatar. Melissa is expecting a baby in April and Michelle was excited to hear about that. There seems to be so many babies around recently.



Anyway, little Woozle has a sore throat. We noticed it accidentally on Thursday when we were trying to amuse her by playing with a torch. As part of the game we looked down her throat to 'see her breakfast' and we noticed her tonsils were swollen and red with white spots. It was odd because she looked normal and behaved normally. Yesterday though, she was reluctant to eat and drink and she had a temperature during the night. She was happy this afternoon until about 5pm when she started to feel unwell and went to sleep in her father's arms.

Disturbing Thought

I took this photo of Wendy yesterday, and when I got it up on my computer screen, it disturbed me.  Something about it reminds me eerily of some of my childhood photos.  I have never seen a resemblance before, and it unnerved me.

The fact of the matter is that I do not want Wendy to be like me.  My life not only has not been a successful one, but in one way and another, I have caused inconvenience and annoyance to a lot of people.  Worse, the people I have hurt the most have been the ones I love the most.  For many years I have thought that I do not want to be remembered when I am gone.  It seems the best thing to hope for as I certainly won't be remembered for glorious exploits!  What would be best would be if my memory were quietly to fade away so that people were unaware that they weren't remembering.  Better than being remembered for notoriety.  

Oh, Lord, please set Wendy's feet on an entirely different life path to mine.  Let her continue to bring joy to all who know her, her whole life through.  May people be better for knowing her, and please protect her always from causing pain to those whom she loves.

The Times Newspaper and Family Justice

Family Justice is a matter painfully close to my heart.  The world famous newspaper, The Times, is campaigning for justice for families who have fallen foul of Social Services and the end of secrecy in the Family Courts.  

What is going on in Great Britain is scandalous.  Children are being removed from their homes on the flimsiest of excuses and due to the imposed 'secrecy', parents are not in a position to defend themselves or even to produce expert witnesses of their own, whose evidence conflicted with the evidence of Social Services 'expert witnesses'.  Many of Social Services "expert witnesses" have never met the family they are called to comment upon, yet their analysis is accepted whilst evidence offered by well qualified professional people who know the family well is not accepted.

Parents have no redress, and such is the secrecy that if a grief stricken mother were to kill herself in despair, it would never be made public "to protect the children".  Ongoing injustices cannot be challenged "to protect the children".  Lies by Social Workers cannot be challenged openly "to protect the children"  Yet while these Care proceedings are ongoing in the secret Family Courts, the children in question are often to be found, with their photographs, in magazines offering them for Adoption.  This, even before the Judge has made a Ruling.  

Interestingly, the agencies who organise adoptions are paid a fee by the Local Authority, and these Adoption and Fostering Agencies are frequently owned or controlled by social workers or their associates while employed by the Local Authority.  So, a healthy young white child is removed by a Social Worker on the grounds that the mother was depressed as a teenager and might "emotionally abuse" a baby.  The baby is advertised for Adoption by an agency run by Social Workers and the Local Authority pays a fee to the Adoption Agency.  Another interesting fact is that Black or disabled children don't feature in the Adoption scene.  Adoptees are typically young, white and healthy.

Don't think it couldn't happen to you.  All citizens are at risk of the abuses of the Family Courts and as a society, it is in all our interests to let Justice to be seen to be done.  No more false accusations, no more trumped up charges, no more distortions of fact.  No more casting the medical professions as Health Police with a duty to invoke Social Services, as once a 'policing' element is introduced between a person and a professional who might cause the family to be ripped apart, all possibility of a trusting, therapeutic relationship disappears, never to return.  

So many babies are being taken from their mothers at birth "in case" of "emotional abuse" that responsible, well thought out people, are having to advise teenage girls never to let anyone know if they feel depressed or have eating disorders or mood disorders and also to stay silent on the subject of rape or assault.  The advice is being given because letting anyone official know these things - anyone who might write them down - is providing a hostage to fortune and could well initiate an official process to remove a future baby at birth because the perpetration of "emotional abuse" in women who has suffered these things would be more likely and Social Services see it as "Breaking the cycle of Abuse"

There are too many nebulous, ephemeral and vague theories that, in the hands of overzealous,  undereducated, unwise, over-powerful and unscrupulous officials can damage a family for generations to come.  As a society, we cannot afford this amount of devastation and we therefore should support the campaign for more transparency in the Family Courts.  We are already suffering the effects of family breakdown in terms of anti-social behaviour.  Wholesome family life must be encouraged and rewarded instead of introducing grave systematic damage that makes the whole of society suffer.

But don't take my word for it.  Here are some Times pages that should be read very widely.

Links to 29 Helpful Sites

The Times List of Articles

Parents Protecting Children and link to Campaign

Place to Sign Up to The Times Campaign

Forced Adoption is Wicked

Unity Injustice

False Allegations (FASO)

Support for Falsely Accused People

Stop Injustice Now

National Society for Children and Family Contact

PAIN - Parents Against Injustice

Parents Against Wrongful Removal of Children (PAROC)

John Hemming MP Campaign Reports

Lunch at Sean's

I tried to put a slideshow in instead of the album, but peoples heads were cut off and it just didn't look right, so I've put an album in here instead.

Nigel drove Caelyn, Wendy and Michelle to Tonbridge to have a roast lamb lunch with him. We all had a great time and there was a happy and harmonious atmosphere. I had told Sean it wasn't considerate for a host to serve two gas producing vegetables on one plate ie cabbage AND cauliflower. He conceded, but when the kids came, they demanded cabbage as well. They say they don't feel they have eaten at Sean's unless they have cabbage as well. (They thought he didn't have any). I produced the cabbage out of the fridge and it was cooked PDQ. It was funny and jovial and we all laughed. Its so nice when everyone gets on well.

Caelyn and Michelle helped with the preparations and serving up and they did the washing up too. Nigel carved the lamb and he and Sean were discussing how jet engines work. A lot of fun and games were had with Wendy. When they arrived, she had been in the car for an hour and a half, and she needed to run around, so she did, and she was running in the garden yelling to Sean "Catch Me! Catch Me!" and she ran him ragged. He is nearly 70 and Wendy has more energy than the rest of us put together.

She wanted to play ball but there wasn't one, so Sean went to borrow some from the neighbours who have children. Michelle of course made wisecracks about how lucky it is if a man has no balls to be able to borrow some from the guy next door.

Then Sean had to read Peter Rabbit to her and then give her a music lesson. He loved it, and he adores Wendy but when we all left, he was tuckered out, which isn't surprising. There was some great chit chat over lunch and we all enjoyed it.

When they drove back it took ages because Operation Stack was in progress. For my overseas family, it is a method of stacking hundreds of heavy goods lorries on the Freeway or Motorway while the lorries are waiting to get on ferries to Europe and which leave from Dover. Operation Stack is usually when the French dock workers are striking about something or other so that the Ferries cannot sail. So there are hundreds - sometimes thousands - of lorries parked up by the Police on the motorway. Ordinary motorists have to travel through small country lanes, which were not built for that sort of traffic and they creep through very very slowly with all the congestion. Its an absolute nightmare. The Authorities keep threatening action such as building big lorry parks, but nothing ever comes of it.

And there were Engineering Works on my way home so I had a long wait at Ashford Station waiting for a connecting train home. I had to go to bed when I got back of course. But the dog ate rather too well and being polite, lets just say his exhaust system doesn't smell of roses, exactly. He is so devoted to me he won't leave my side, and that sort of devotion isn't always a blessing!

Photobucket Album

All in all, we all had a wonderful weekend. I'm on a course of steroids at the moment and I always feel marvellous when I am on them. The Dr prescibed them because I couldn't breathe with the chest infection I had. When they give me a short course of steroids every year or two, I feel better while I am ill with bronchitis or whatever than I do normally. Its almost worth getting sick for those heady few days of feeling fine and well again. You can't take steroids for more than a week or two so this bubbly feeing won't last. But sure as heck, I'm going to enjoy it while it does!

Miele Cat and Dog

My Miele Cat and Dog vacuum cleaner arrived today. The retailer, Peter Tyson, was excellent and did exactly what he said he would do when he said he would do it and I'd certainly buy from him again. The website is here

I was less than pleased with the courier service, which was a different company entirely. I was told to expect delivery on Tuesday between 07h30 and 17h30. I checked on the web and saw that the vacuum cleaner had been loaded onto a van in Ashford, which is a half hour drive away. I waited and waited, but no delivery. The following morning I checked the web and saw that delivery was 'unsuccessful' so I followed their links to try to email them. It was not permitted and I kept getting a message to phone an 0870 number which I strongly object to. Some of those numbers are more than £1 per minute and the call centre keeps you hanging on for ages before connecting you and even then the operators fob you off anyway, and I just wasn't up for it.

So I emailed Peter Tyson and Steve called me back. He had several communications with the courier company and discovered that on Tuesday the driver had run out of time and returned to the depot. The following day the delivery had been handed over to a subcontractor who did not come either. I waited as long as I could but I had to catch the 19h04 train to Tonbridge instead of the 18h04. Sean had prepared dinner and I could hardly mess up his evening because a subcontractor hadn't turned up when he was supposed to.

It was delivered at noon today. Thinking about my irritation with the courier company, it was because I did not feel that I had been dealt with fairly. Promises, promises, cancelling normal daily events in case they conflicted with delivery etc and no communication. If someone had let me know there was a problem, I would not have minded. I know things happen that are beyond people's control and I'm not unreasonable. What made me see red was the initial "delivery unsuccessful" note on the website when I knew I had stayed in specially, even getting up extra early so as not to miss the delivery because of bathing, and then to be confronted with the outrage of a blasted 0870 number! That really took the biscuit as far as I was concerned, and my patience is very finite indeed.

Richard very kindly assembled it and I used the turbo brush attachment for very hairy carpets and it was amazing. Using a slow and gentle sweep while I was sitting down in a chair because my health has been "down" today - it was effortless and the pet hair was just sucked up, just like that! The machine is quiet too. It has a long telescopic handle which is easily adjustable for the height of the user. It is light enough to operate from a standard NHS wheelchair too.

This is a picture you don't see every day. Michelle on the sofa with Richard humbly bowed down at her feet as the vacuum cleaning vassal!


This is the machine itself. Don't be fooled - it is far tougher and more powerful than it looks, yet is astonishingly lightweight.


What do I think of it now I've had time to get to grips with it? I wrote this to my sister:
I got my vacuum cleaner and truth be told, it works a lot better than the reviews suggested. It is quiet, light, comfortable to use and takes no effort. It just does its job. No sweeping hard across a grubby spot. It just effortlessly deals with it. Kate is determined to have one as are two of my friends. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself. What a pleasure to have a machine you don't have to fight with or which is such hard work that it leaves you trembling and shaking with exhaustion.

The one about a Military Fairy

Awful John Cleese Aircraft Sketch

Enjoy!

Collage

This collage was made when Woozle was two and a half years old. She is bright, funny and full of mischief. We have noticed that she has a great interest in mechanical things. Last Christmas she got a toy vacuum cleaner and later on in the day, opened a toy tool kit. She immediately got the screwdriver and began - correctly - turning the screws on the vacuum cleaner.

She has a great fascination for spiders at the moment and there are pictures of her in this collage using a screwdriver to get the batteries inside it. She loves doing that sort of thing, and she does it left handed like her Auntie Michelle. And isn't she growing up?

 

Judicial Review in the High Court London

There is to be a review in the London High Court very soon about the NICE Guidelines for treatment and management of ME/CFS/PVFS.

The website set up to publicise these issues is here Please take a look.

The problem is that there is a huge body of evidence for biomedical changes in ME. Things like muscle biopsies behaving differently to 'normal' people when looked at through a microscope in a laboratory. Markers in urine found by other doctors in patients all over the world. Abnormalities on brain imaging, and a lot more that has been duplicated by researchers everywhere. Our own Dr Gow in Scotland and Dr Kerr in London have discovered abnormalities in genes.

It is a life-thieving illness to have, yet in the UK, not one penny of government money has gone to biomedical research into ME. All research as been paid for by charities which get their donations from people who are below the official poverty line.

The NICE Guidelines recommend
a) A psychological treatment called Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or CBT for short. There are not enough competent practitioners available so many people with ME do not have access to them. Even if they do, it is for a short while only and often involves journeys so lengthy that it sends patients into relapse. The treatment has apparently improved but CBT used to be about 'helping' someone feel more cheerful about not being able to bath themselves or make themselves a cup of tea while feeling very ill, isolated, bedbound or housebound. I believe it is much more helpful now but even so, feeling more cheerful about being ill is only second best to having research led strategies for treating the wretched illness effectively so that people can function again. That would cheer them up a lot more, I would think.

b) Graded Exercise Therapy or GET for short. This helps people who are tired for reasons other than ME - perhaps heart, kidney, depression or stroke patients. However, only people who are well enough can see someone about this therapy. Unfortunately in ME, the muscles behave differently and the difference in behaviour can be seen under a microscope. People with ME as described by Dr Melvin Ramsay at the time of the Royal Free outbreak are usually made very much worse, sometimes irreversibly so by GET.

Another problem is that people who get referred for CBT or GET may be tired all the time, be depressed, have an exhausting illness such as kidney disease, but generally they are well enough to travel to attend these courses. People who have largely recovered from ME or who are mildly affected may well find the courses helpful. But for a research study to be useful, an agreed set of parameters should be decided on before the research begins. It is ludicrous to use patients with a range of illnesses and then apply the conclusions to patients with a different disease entirely. For research into ME to be useful, a set of qualifying criteria must be agreed upon, and would have to include the severely affected who are too ill to leave their homes. This is where ME is tragic - in the dark, silent rooms where decades go by that people who have lost their childhood, their teen years, their education in much pain - are being missed. Many have to be tube fed because they are too ill to eat. It is patently absurd to say that GET or CBT will fix them up because Mrs Jones with arthritis found she was coping better after a course of it. You simply aren't comparing like with like.

Think of abdominal pain. There are loads of reasons for it - too much unripe fruit. Hangover. Ulcers. Appendicitis. Tonsillitis (in children). Foreign body. Dystentry. Liver disease. Gall stones. Kidney Stones. Tumours. Constipation. Miscarriage. Bladder infections. Infection. Food poisoning. Gangrene, and loads more. It would be madness to say that we will treat all abdominal pain the same way. Why? Because they are all different conditions and if you cut pieces of liver out to try to treat diarrhoea after a dodgy curry, you will be doing the sufferer a great disservice and very likely, considerable harm.

The strategy that actually helps is called PACING, which means doing a little then having a break, then doing a bit more and having another break and living within your own limits. It is the one thing that does no harm and which helps people get more done by the end of the day. Your body needs energy to heal itself and you waste it all on other activities, your condition won't improve. The thing is, most patients discover Pacing on their own. What people need is a proper diagnostic test and a treatment that works.

That is what the judicial review is about. We want money to go into research for an effective treatment rather than being told to cheer up or being bounced into an exercise program that may cause serious and irreversible damage.

If you want more information, there is a rather technical (in places) article written by ME Research UK here

It is time for change. People with other neurological illnesses such as Motor Neurone Disease or Parkinsons Disease or Multiple Sclerosis don't get told to cheer up, do a bit of exercise and you will be fine. Why on earth do ME sufferers have to put up with it? The court case is about this very issue.

Oh, Great!

I have a chest infection which is causing a lot of intense bouts of coughing. I had had a Mirena system put in place for control of menorrhagia. Tonight during a particularly intense coughing fit, it fell out.
It will have to be put back but it will be painful and it is likely the menorrhagia will come back with a vengeance.

I just want a break from my body's bad behaviour. I'm pretty fed up at this stage!

Today

Nigel has a grotty chest infection. When Sean and I went to pick Wendy and Kate up he was studying for his Auto Electric exam. He had become irritated with Wendy so it was nice to be able to give him some space. He isn't well, is in the middle of studies that are not coming easily - he has to work at this - and he has recently lost his Nanna. I think he needs to be treated with a bit extra TLC and to be given 'space' where he can just 'be', with no demands on him.

Michelle and Sean spent a lot of the morning talking nicely together. He has invited her to lunch next week and has told me to tell her that he would particularly like her to come if she can. He feels she has come on by leaps and bounds, and I agree with him. She went out to visit her friend Alison and Sean and I went to breakfast at Mitfords.

We had thought of taking Wendy to the Rare Breeds Centre because it looks fabulous there, but Sean pointed out that it would involve keeping Wendy in the car for 45min each way and it was hot so he didn't think she could cope with so much time in the car. Sean wanted to go to Port Lympne but I'm too sick to walk at the moment and his car boot was full of recycling stuff and he wouldn't be able to fit my scooter in and they wouldn't let him take the car in, so we ditched that idea. We looked up Lathe Barn on the mobile web and we had the impression that it was open from 12 on Sundays in October. Not so. We were prepared for Wendy to be upset but she was OK when Kate explained that the animals had gone on holiday and she would see them when they got back.

Eating food that is Finger Licking good - and not a Chicken in sight


By this time I was terribly thirsty so we stopped at Botolphs Bridge Inn where I had a large and long and refreshing Lime and Soda - nothing to beat that when you are hot and thirsty. I foolishly gave Wendy some of my ice and I've started something there! Kate and I had a burger. When I saw the price - £8 - I was horrified. But goodness me, it was worth it! The beef was coarsely ground on the premises and mixed with their own seasoning, and there was a huge portion of it. The cheese was top quality and the salad was superb. I have never had a burger that good before and it was well worth the £8. There was no fats or oils swimming around on the plate; it was ordinary food made superb.

Sitting next to Sean


Wendy discovered the bird bath and played in the water. She crawled under the table and she was generally in high good humour. I'm glad Katie came with us because it gave Nigel some study time and it was fun being out with her. Sean always remarks on how good she is with Wendy. She is too. She talks to Wendy nicely and Wendy has a good vocabulary. The child loves veggies, fruit and healthy stuff more than junk food, although she likes cake. She eats good sized portions too. Her 'Key Worker' at Nursery school told Kate last week that Wendy is bright and will do well at school, and that when someone is upset, Wendy is the first child to go and offer comfort. We have known that for yonks, but it is nice to hear it from an objective person who isn't smitten with her.


Under the table at Botolphs Bridge Inn.


Her mum tries to keep her clean but you can't have everything. It is healthy for a child to feel free enough to get grubby. I feel sorry for kids who have to wear expensive designer clothes and whose parents will not allow them to be normal adventurous kids for fear of them getting a mark on their fine clothing. As it is, Kate knows well enough that both child and her clothes are washable and she has plenty of soap and water.

When we got back, Sean and I listened to some Gregorian Chant. Michelle's body was aching after dancing most of last night so she asked if she could lie on my electric blanket for half an hour and I agreed to it. She is out cold and if I wake her up now she won't get back to sleep, and she is working tomorrow so it looks as if I'm to find an alternative place to rest my weary bones! I'm choking and coughing to the point of throwing up if I lie down. Its nowhere near as bad when I sit up. But then I can't sleep and my body gets sore. Ah well! The Dr said that I should go back to him on Tuesday if I'm not over the infection. We'll see. I'm a tough old bird though so I don't think it will be necessary.

Just a note to remind myself - Fat Jack and Brakkie are Frontlined and Dewormed, but I still have to do Madam Spikkeldy. Remind me, Mystic Mog!

Dudley Elwes RIP

George Elwes father Dudley passed away in dignified old age. He was a devout Catholic who lead as upright life as possible. He was well educated and had friends all over the world. I only met him a couple of times and found him interesting and likable. His daughter in law Sylvia looked after him for a long time. More recently, George had looked after him a lot too, taking him to Holy Mass regularly.

People were good to him, and they were good to him for a reason. The reason is that he was a good man, and I pray Dudley might rest in peace now and that the family are comforted in their loss.

Emotional Extremes

Emotional Extremes

Three aspiring psychiatrists, from three different universities, were
attending their first class on emotional extremes.

'Just to establish some parameters,' said the professor to the student
from Oxford University , 'What is the opposite of joy?'

'Sorrow' said the student.

'And the opposite of depression?' he asked the young lady from
Cambridge .

'Elation' she said.

'And you, sir' he said to the student from Trinity College Dublin,

'How about the opposite of woe?'

The student replied, 'I believe dat would be 'Giddy up.'

Family and Furries

I don't know what was going on with Brakkie yesterday, but things started to feel a bit odd when he left Jack to guard his frog. Here he is playing with it himself. When Sean arrived at 10pm, he was offered the frog as well. Frog is Brakkie's most treasured possession and usually he only lets Wendy or I near it.


Sean had gone to a Concert at George Harby's house and had had dinner there. He came to my house just after 10pm, full of allergy. I have had a chest infection this week and have never had such coughing fits before. They come on exertion and when I am lying down and of course, people lie down to sleep. I was very tired after several nights with minimal sleep so I slept on the sofa so as not to disturb Sean. Sleeping there helped a lot, actually, because although I was lying down, my head and shoulders were raised on the armrest.

To get back to the oddness of the animals, Jack went to Brak and lay on the chair with him. I gave Jack his deworming pill last night and he had to have a higher dose because of his size. He was really cross with me afterwards, and I still have to deworm Spikky and Brak and put their flea drops on them. Not looking forward to it, needless to say. Brakkie is more forgiving than Spikky and I am dreading doing her. She gets so upset! With Brak and Jack lying on the chair together I got a good shot of my 3 Best Boys:


Michelle and Richard went out last night, to meet up with some friends. She had just bought a jacket from Dorothy Perkins and when she put it on here, two buttons fell off straight away. Oh dear! Just before going out! She was determined to wear it, so I had to enlist St Anthony's help in finding a needle and cotton to sew them back on. I do wish manufacturers would put the buttons on more efficiently.
Here you see her with Richard as they were preparing to go out.


I like this shot:


I hope this puts an end to her grumbling that I never put nice photos of her on the Blog!

Yellow Rose

My brother Stephen lives in Australia with his wife Margaret.  She sent me this beautiful photo.  Stephen had promised to plant a yellow rose bush in their garden for me, and this is the first bloom.  Isn't it beautiful?  And what a kind and lovely thing to do.  Thank you, Margaret and Stephen.



This photo shows some of the wallabies that visit their garden every day.



It is so nice to think of someone I love dearly making a successful life, healthy and happy, even if it is on the other side of the world. More power to you, Steve and Margaret!

My sister Melanie lives in New Zealand and she is very excited because she has an adorable Cornish SiRex cat, Chloe, who has been mated with a lovely Tom so they are expecting kittens. Here is a picture of Chloe:

Oh,no, Wendy!

Kids say all sorts of things.  Wendy is now 2 and a half.  She loves going to Lathe Barn to see the farm animals.  Yesterday, her parents went shopping and Michelle kindly offered to take her out for a bus ride - she loves that.  They got off in Hythe and Wendy was jumping in puddles and throwing stones into them and generally being an energetic toddler.  

Michelle nearly died of embarrassment because they walked past a house with an unkempt garden.  A woman was in the garden and Wendy opened the gate, trying to get in and yelling with great excitement "Pigs! Pigs!"  This is the first time Michelle had taken her out on her own without another co-responsible adult.

It brought to mind the first time she saw a black child a year ago.  Wendy is a caring and helpful little soul, so she got a Wet Wipe and tried to clean the child, saying "Dirt.  Dirt!".  Her mother could have crawled under a stone with shame!  Wendy was only about 13 months old at the time, and Caelyn was terrified she would say that sort of thing at Nursery, so she mentioned it to them and they said that in view of her age, they would think nothing of it.  Phew!  Relief!

Shelter

I've been thinking along these lines lately, so I was surprised to come across Susan Stone's meditation, which I paste below:

Shelter

When all the darkness of a world gone mad with "me" and "mine"
presses against your heart with its dark futility,
watch the world and see what happens
when self becomes the measure of the truth,
no one way better or worse than another,
with no standard to give it value.
Relativism – a place with no verities.
What type of world is it
when millions of selves become the arbiters of what is right,
of what is holy,
what is worth believing,
each competing,
the child molester no less worthy of admiration
than the hero who rescues the dying,
where killing the sick and old seeming as good a deed as healing,
and children seem a futility of expense.

Listen to that cacophony of competing voices
drowning out a truth they do not want to face,
the fact that without family,
there is an empty hole in life,
where self-loathing shadows over the death of hope,
the fact that chasing sex and intoxication
will never sustain,
that things break,
heroes fail,
that isms are imperfect answers for that hole in their lives,
and that no matter how they veil the reality,
their choices are leading them to a nightmare world,
where they try to make shifting desires the centre of all,
turning the old granite of truth into quicksand,
unable to sustain a purposeless life.

Listen, and ask yourself,
have we not created the tower of Babel anew,
confusing our hearts, our spirits, our future
in our hubris to say Man, and not God is the center?

Where then, is the firm land
that will let you stand while the chaos grows,
as the centre cannot hold,
and things fall apart?

The answer was given to you in the life of a single person
sent here with one purpose,
to bring you home.
Even now, he calls through the bitter waters of modern life,
and offers that transformation
that creates a sanctuary against the storm.
Look upon his cross,
his tomb,
his resurrection and know
one greater than any man
has touched the world,
leaving a cross-shaped beacon pointing the way
to the place where heaven and earth come crashing together,
an island of meaning against the midnight,
bought with blood,
sustained by love.

Laugh at him as old fashioned as you cry against the dark,
or listen to what he has to say,
and find the purpose you were missing.


Click to go to Susan Stone's site

A Decade Today

Today is the 10th Anniversary of Sean and I meeting for the first time. The time has flown by. There is a paradox to this, because we are happy and our memories are happy but we have been through dark and painful times together. He found the loss of his father hard to bear, for instance. I found the court case involving my children very traumatic. We have both had grave concerns about our children. There are loads of other examples, which could make looking back unhappy.



Yet that is not the case. Even in hard times, there is an underlying thread of happiness. We can face almost anything with the other person at our side, in sympathy and empathy. We have both grown a great deal as human beings and our love for each other has healed each other. We understand and support each other, and after 10 years together, still have a great deal to talk about.

I had always feared being known because I believed that if people knew what I was really like, they would not like me at all. Sean and I know each other through and through and it isn't scary, its comforting. He knows all the skeletons in my cupboard so no one can ever tell him something that he doesn't already know about me. He knows the best and the worst and loves me anyway. He has stood by me and I have stood by him. He is an extraordinarily good man and after 10 years, I still can't believe my luck. I feel very blessed and very thankful to God who has used this beautiful bond to change us into more whole, less wounded people who have grown spiritually through this too.

Thank you, God, for your goodness, mercy, love and compassion and for bringing us together.

Collage

Here is a Nanna collage. When I find more June photos, I will make a collage of her too.

A Difficult Day for Nigel

Today was a hard day for Nigel. The family met up at Barham crematorium to scatter Nanna's ashes where his mother's ashes were scattered. Nanna looked after him after his mother died and he saw losing Nanna as losing the last of 'his family'. His mother Wendy died at this time of year too.

There is never a good time for bereavement but I am glad that Nanna went after Nigel had married Caelyn and Wendy was born. Wendy was named for his mother and Nanna saw a lot of Wendy in her.

Here she is with her friend Trix on Nigel and Caelyn's wedding day



The day Nanna moved to Sheltered Housing in Luton


Nigel is part of our family now. Even Sean said "well, he's got me". I have loved Nigel like my own, and he has been very good to me. He is a good husband, father and son in law. And he has Michelle and my mother. I know it isn't the same as his own blood relatives, but I hope these relationships sustain him through these difficult times.

While we are thinking these sorts of thoughts, it is June's 3rd anniversary on 23 October, God rest her soul. She comes up in conversation quite frequently. We still miss her, but are glad that her suffering is over. We often wonder what she would think of Wendy, as she was marvellous with babies. We often wonder what she would think of that silly blonde dog she left in my care. My greatest regret about her is that she was loved, liked and respected by a lot of people but that horrible illness she had would never allow her to accept that truth. She is remembered affectionately and lovingly by more people than she could ever have imagined, and that is a great legacy to leave behind when your life's work is done, and a rare thing too.

June being squashed by animals. Its a wonder she ever got any sleep. We still call that bed 'June's bed'.

More News

Sean is in France for Bishop Brincard's 20th Anniversary of being consecrated Bishop. After High Mass this morning, there was a lunch for 600 people. Sean was in the Nave when the bishop's secretary, Sr Marie Pierre moved him upstairs to sit with the Bishop's family. In later celebrations, Sean was asked to say a few words in English and then to say them again in French. He got a good clap, he said.

Tomorrow there will be another High Mass and Sean has been invited to the Bishop's house tomorrow afternoon.

This says to me that Sean is being honoured and he wasn't expecting it. My brother Stephen once famously said that Sean "is a man of integrity and honour who should be declared a National Treasure" I agree with that. I have known that man for 10 years now, through thick and thin. I know him through and through, and he is all Stephen said, and more. I am very glad he went to Le Puys.

Poor Michelle phoned me yesterday. She has always had marvellous teeth with very few fillings. Yesterday she broke one of her front teeth and its nerve was exposed and she was in a lot of pain. Also causing her pain was the fact that it is going to cost her a fortune to get it fixed. Being a front tooth, cosmetic dentistry is called for. Poor kid! Pain AND Poverty!

My mother is back from Spain. She got in at some awful hour of the morning, from a warm country to here where it was about 3 degrees. She was planning a quiet day and I hope she had one. All she had to do was to fetch her cat from the cattery. That would have been enough for her after a long and uncomfortable journey, but I won't be surprised if she tells me she did more than that.

My mother takes Wendy swimming. She saw a pool on TV the other day and immediately began asking for her 'Gummy'. My mum is due to pick her up for toddler group on Monday morning, so I hope she will have rested enough to be strong enough for that.

I also hope that she will bring Sarah to Folkestone to help me clean my room. I haven't had the strength to do it and it desperately needs doing. I can't move my bed on my own so it hasn't been hoovered underneath for far too long. The curtains need laundering but again, I haven't been able to get them down myself. If Sarah doesn't get too demoralised, next time we tackle the kitchen - floors, cleaning out cupboards etc. The mess sneaks up on one until the penny drops that things have gone too far. That is ok if it is just a matter of rolling up sleeves and getting stuck in. That choice is not available to me though, so Sarah will be a godsend if it works out. Michelle would help but she works such impossible hours and she is beat when she gets in. Caelyn is too pooped with her own stuff that she must not be allowed to do this sort of thing.

Cheque Arrived!

This morning the postman delivered a letter containing a cheque for £187.08. The Miele Cat & Dog vacuum cleaner is £189.90 including delivery, spare bags and filters from this company
I deposited it this morning but have no idea when it will clear. It used to be 7 working days but the Financial Services Authority have said the process has to be speeded up, so I will check my bank balance on Thursday. I won't hold my breath though. I'm really looking forward to this as I have two cats and a dog and an exceedingly inefficient vacuum cleaner.

Isn't it sad that someone could get so excited about a domestic appliance?

Some Good News

You may be aware that gas and electricity prices have soared astronomically. I found out on Tuesday that they had been billing me on an Estimated basis, but when they came to read the meter they discovered I am £289 in credit. Wow, that was great news.

They are sending me a cheque. I have a policy when I get unexpected windfalls and that is to spend it on something tangible that I can keep for years, and smile when I think happy thoughts of the windfall that enabled me to get it.

After considering a lot of options, I have decided to buy a Miele Cat & Dog vacuum cleaner. Miele appliances are good for at least 20 years so although you pay more upfront, you save in the long run. Sean had a Miele washing machine for 27 years. It was still working brilliantly, but he bought a new one because the old washing machine made a noise on the spin cycle and it was thought the bearings were going. He replaced it with another Miele and that machine is so quiet and stable that you can leave a full cup of tea on it during its final spin, and not a drop will be spilled.

I have had at least 6 washing machines since being in England and I am currently renting one. If I had £900, I would buy a Miele like a shot. The user reviews of the Cat & Dog vacuum cleaner are brilliant. Apparently they work better than Dysons. I had a second hand Dyson that was marvellous, but a wire is loose in the switch and I don't know how to sort that out. I bought a cheap £30 vacuum cleaner as a replacement but it is so useless it leaves me in despair.

The cheque hasn't come yet so despite the happy tone of this post, I'm not going to count chickens before they hatch!

Today

Today the cold that has been threatening all week is here with a vengeance, so I am in bed with some tissues, juice and aspirin. Its going to my chest, and since living in England, I get asthma when I get a chest infection so I might have to ask for some antibiotics. Couldn't be bothered now though. All I want to do is sleep.

Sean has gone to France. We caught the train to Ashford together and he got the Eurostar. He is on his way to le Puys to join in the celebration of his friend Bishop Henri Brincard's 20th anniversay of being a Bishop. The irony is that on Monday, it is our 10th Anniversary, and there is my sweetheart celebrating our relationship in a Monastery!

Sean had asked me to make a card for Monseigneur Brincard and I will post it here, just for interest sake. I had a lot of fun doing it, but they say the devil is in the detail. I had left the actual printing until quite late yesterday, and when I tried to print it, found that the printer had run out of blue ink, so I had to get on the Beast and scoot off to town to get a new cartridge. Rushed back and printed a couple of drafts to make sure I had the layout right, then printed the real thing. In this time I was racing against time as time, tide and British Rail wait for no one. Everything worked out well though, thank God.



My mother has been on holiday in Spain and is due back at 04h00 tomorrow. She says she plans to go to bed and catch up on her sleep. Wise move, mother. She isn't going to Church on Sunday either on the grounds that even God rested. Her week will go better if she devotes the weekend to regaining her energy and strength.

Credit Crunch Joke

Q. What is the difference between a pigeon and a merchant banker?

A. A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari.