You know you're a Nurse when ...

You believe that all bleeding stops ... eventually.

Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.

Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.

You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.

You plan your dinner break whilst lavaging an overdose patient.

You refer to vegetables and are not talking about a food group.

You have the bladder capacity of five people.

You disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.

You encourage an obnoxious patient to sign a self discharge form so you don't have to deal with them any longer.

You believe that "shallow gene pool" should be a recognized diagnosis.

You believe that the government should require a permit to reproduce.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase "Wow, it's really quiet isn't it".

You threaten to strangle anyone who even starts to say the "q" word when it is even remotely calm.

You say to yourself "great veins" when looking at complete strangers at the grocery store.

You have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the "Eternal Care Unit".

You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".

You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

Your favourite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

You think that caffeine should be available in I/V form.

You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience.

You believe the waiting room should be equipped with a Valium fountain.

You have been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control.

Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after 6 hours / days / weeks / months / years)?"

You can identify what kind of diarrhoea it is just by the smell.

You will never name a daughter "Melaena" or anything along those lines.. and laugh to yourself every time you hear someone by that name

Your immune system is so well developed that it has been known to attack squirrels in the backyard.